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Democracy | What'll you wish for the next time the clock reads 11:11? |
| | Beer. | 5 (50%) |  | | Buffalo wings. | 3 (30%) |  | | Another minute to decide. | 2 (20%) |  | | Posted on 01.16.2006 | 10 total votes |
| What keeps making you feel so hollow inside? |
| | Money. | 10 (55.56%) |  | | Fame. | 3 (16.67%) |  | | Hate mail. | 5 (27.78%) |  | | Posted on 11.21.2005 | 18 total votes |
| Bosses should be |
| | respected. | 1 (14.29%) |  | | killed. | 1 (14.29%) |  | | tortured, then killed. | 5 (71.43%) |  | | Posted on 11.08.2005 | 7 total votes |
| Shoop. |
| | shoop it oop | 0 (0%) |  | | oop it oop | 1 (100%) |  | | oop it oop it oop | 0 (0%) |  | | Posted on 11.08.2005 | 1 total votes |
| Which would you rather give up forever, today? |
| | Cigs. | 18 (54.55%) |  | | Beer. | 8 (24.24%) |  | | Sex. | 7 (21.21%) |  | | Posted on 09.19.2005 | 33 total votes |
| Glube wine? |
| | Yes. | 1 (9.09%) |  | | What is it? | 6 (54.55%) |  | | Yes! | 4 (36.36%) |  | | Posted on 09.09.2005 | 11 total votes |
| Kati, what do you think? |
| | Don't know. | 3 (33.33%) |  | | Don't care. | 1 (11.11%) |  | | The third axiom in Trianomical Sensitivity Training is: my lord, keep your fucking questions out of my head. | 5 (55.56%) |  | | Posted on 08.31.2005 | 9 total votes |
| Horoscopes are: |
| | Fun. | 7 (53.85%) |  | | Stupid. | 3 (23.08%) |  | | Dangerous. | 3 (23.08%) |  | | Posted on 08.23.2005 | 13 total votes |
| Of course John Roberts. Because... |
| | Roe v. Wade's gotten a little old, baby. | 3 (20%) |  | | He's only fifty, giving him a good thirty to thirty-five years to fillet the Constitution. | 4 (26.67%) |  | | That there's a plush, respectable, American name. Almost forefatherish. | 8 (53.33%) |  | | Posted on 08.01.2005 | 15 total votes |
| I don't have any more of these poll questions in me. |
| | Okay. | 6 (26.09%) |  | | That sucks. | 15 (65.22%) |  | | Okay! | 2 (8.7%) |  | | Posted on 07.25.2005 | 23 total votes |
| Which way do you wipe? |
| | From the back. | 11 (68.75%) |  | | From the front. | 3 (18.75%) |  | | In a sort of swirling motion. | 2 (12.5%) |  | | Posted on 07.12.2005 | 16 total votes |
| Smoking is... |
| | Good. | 5 (41.67%) |  | | Evil. | 2 (16.67%) |  | | Better than a vomitous belch by a wooly fat guy in an unwashed green tank top. | 5 (41.67%) |  | | Posted on 07.07.2005 | 12 total votes |
| _____ is the hardest kind of work. |
| | Thinking | 3 (21.43%) |  | | Sweating | 5 (35.71%) |  | | Getting by without thinking or sweating | 6 (42.86%) |  | | Posted on 06.27.2005 | 14 total votes |
| Computer lab monitors are usually: |
| | Helpful. | 5 (41.67%) |  | | Good lookin. | 3 (25%) |  | | Straight-line descendants from...shit, you know...that one guy. He masterminded the cold-blooded murder of all those people not that long ago. | 4 (33.33%) |  | | Posted on 06.17.2005 | 12 total votes |
| What's your favorite summer pastime? |
| | Texas hold 'em strategies. | 2 (22.22%) |  | | Win big at on-line poker. | 1 (11.11%) |  | | Free poker chips with purchase. | 6 (66.67%) |  | | Posted on 06.08.2005 | 9 total votes |
| How much to change your name to Billie Thong? |
| | A hundred bucks. | 0 (0%) |  | | A thousand simolians. | 2 (14.29%) |  | | That is my name, Jack. | 12 (85.71%) |  | | Posted on 05.19.2005 | 14 total votes |
| Sex... |
| | in the morning. | 6 (46.15%) |  | | in the evening. | 2 (15.38%) |  | | when-the-fuck-ever, as long as we can use the back door. | 5 (38.46%) |  | | Posted on 05.13.2005 | 13 total votes |
| Just can't wait for: |
| | Friday. | 8 (36.36%) |  | | Summer. | 9 (40.91%) |  | | Sweet mother death. | 5 (22.73%) |  | | Posted on 04.19.2005 | 22 total votes |
| My balls are always bouncing: |
| | To the left. | 11 (61.11%) |  | | To the right. | 2 (11.11%) |  | | Secksyst pigg! | 5 (27.78%) |  | | Posted on 03.28.2005 | 18 total votes |
| I feel useful: |
| | All the time. | 3 (23.08%) |  | | Never. | 0 (0%) |  | | Once in a blue fucking moon. | 10 (76.92%) |  | | Posted on 03.21.2005 | 13 total votes |
| Fuck: |
| | You. | 6 (19.35%) |  | | Me. | 7 (22.58%) |  | | It. | 18 (58.06%) |  | | Posted on 03.04.2005 | 31 total votes |
| A cig tax hike of a dollar per pack is being proposed in Wisconsin. How would you rather see the state find the money? |
| | Gas tax hike of a dollar per gallon. | 2 (8%) |  | | Charge a buck to get from the suburbs to the cities. Call it an asshole tax. | 10 (40%) |  | | Charge a buck to use the word "God" in a deferential way in public. | 13 (52%) |  | | Posted on 02.12.2005 | 25 total votes |
| Non-smokers are dancing because: |
| | They can, Loser, because they never started that stupid, disgusting, filthy habit. | 4 (40%) |  | | They shouldn't have to lug around the "This is Your Cancerous Lung" photo album too much longer. | 1 (10%) |  | | They finally belong. | 5 (50%) |  | | Posted on 02.07.2005 | 10 total votes |
| Technophobia is: |
| | A healthy response to an ever chilling world. | 7 (36.84%) |  | | Silly, but harmless. | 2 (10.53%) |  | | Bound to draw negative attention from the new robot lords. | 10 (52.63%) |  | | Posted on 01.28.2005 | 19 total votes |
| My college education: |
| | Taught me a lot and helped me get a job. | 6 (37.5%) |  | | Prepared me for nothing. | 6 (37.5%) |  | | I'm not the college type. | 4 (25%) |  | | Posted on 01.09.2005 | 16 total votes |
| To uncover new music, please insert: |
| | friend w/ burner. | 8 (36.36%) |  | | community radio playlist. | 11 (50%) |  | | album review page. | 3 (13.64%) |  | | Posted on 12.15.2004 | 22 total votes |
| Homophobia has its roots in: |
| | Insecurity about one's own sexual identity. | 8 (32%) |  | | The bully mentality. | 9 (36%) |  | | A natural fear of Catholic priests. | 8 (32%) |  | | Posted on 11.23.2004 | 25 total votes |
| A Jesus Freak is... |
| | Someone who looks like Jesus did. | 2 (6.9%) |  | | Someone who loves like Jesus did. | 5 (17.24%) |  | | Someone who preaches like Jesus didn't. | 22 (75.86%) |  | | Posted on 11.07.2004 | 29 total votes |
| Who're the freaks? |
| | The kids with the facial jewelry. | 2 (8.33%) |  | | The bearded ladies. | 2 (8.33%) |  | | Those in possession of one or more Bush/Cheney stickers. | 20 (83.33%) |  | | Posted on 10.22.2004 | 24 total votes |
| By and large, Americans most closely resemble: |
| | Jesus. | 3 (12.5%) |  | | Judas. | 11 (45.83%) |  | | Billy Bob Thornton in "Sling Blade." | 10 (41.67%) |  | | Posted on 10.05.2004 | 24 total votes |
| What does Florida have to thank for Charley, Frances, Ivan and now Jeanne? |
| | new badass weather patterns | 1 (16.67%) |  | | their own lack of faith in the lord | 1 (16.67%) |  | | the Chinese government | 4 (66.67%) |  | | Posted on 09.27.2004 | 6 total votes |
| If George Bush is re-elected on November 2, I may just have to: |
| | Discharge my firearms into the air. Forty-three times. | 1 (5.26%) |  | | Join the revolution. | 8 (42.11%) |  | | Call in and get waaaaasssted. | 10 (52.63%) |  | | Posted on 09.08.2004 | 19 total votes |
| Should American gymnast Paul Hamm give up his gold medal? |
| | Yes. | 7 (50%) |  | | No. | 6 (42.86%) |  | | Who's that now? | 1 (7.14%) |  | | Posted on 08.23.2004 | 14 total votes |
| Should an international observer group be brought in to monitor this fall's American elections? |
| | Yes. | 9 (50%) |  | | No. | 5 (27.78%) |  | | There aren't going to be any elections. | 4 (22.22%) |  | | Posted on 08.10.2004 | 18 total votes |
| At best, national politics are... |
| | The key to a civically virtuous life. Everyone should get actively involved. | 6 (31.58%) |  | | Entertaining, and useful as a tool to keep the mind sharp. | 9 (47.37%) |  | | A repugnant distraction. | 4 (21.05%) |  | | Posted on 07.26.2004 | 19 total votes |
| The crackhead at the corner bar who cleans tables and ashtrays in exchange for the occasional free beer ought to... |
| | Get a real job. | 1 (11.11%) |  | | Rob the bar, pass Go, and go directly to jail. | 1 (11.11%) |  | | Stop calling me "Son," at least in public places. | 7 (77.78%) |  | | Posted on 07.21.2004 | 9 total votes |
| On July 6, George W Bush turned 58. Three days later, Donald Rumsfeld turned 74. We should all kick in and get them... |
| | Scratch 'n sniff stickers of barnyard animals for Bush and for Rumsfeld, the new Modest Mouse. | 2 (22.22%) |  | | Circus tickets for Bush and for Rumsfeld, a pink Speedo swimsuit. | 3 (33.33%) |  | | A pigman baby for Bush and for Rumsfeld, a full-back tattoo of Dr. Octopus. | 4 (44.44%) |  | | Posted on 07.18.2004 | 9 total votes |
| For the most part, I hear about the world, learn about the world... |
| | from the print media and public radio. | 11 (52.38%) |  | | from the networks and cable and movies. | 1 (4.76%) |  | | through the grapevine. | 9 (42.86%) |  | | Posted on 06.30.2004 | 21 total votes |
| In my humble opinion... |
| | Bosses become a**holes. | 3 (42.86%) |  | | A**holes become bosses. | 3 (42.86%) |  | | How dare you! Disparaging the apex of my backside in this way...At least Blak Glorry knows when to shut the f*ck up! | 1 (14.29%) |  | | Posted on 06.24.2004 | 7 total votes |
| If I could go back and erase all the _____ I've ever done, I would. |
| | ...looking at television... | 20 (66.67%) |  | | ...drinking beer... | 3 (10%) |  | | ...fiddling with myself... | 7 (23.33%) |  | | Posted on 05.28.2004 | 30 total votes |
| In my opinion, the first two-plus years of America's Crusade to root out Terror have: |
| | Helped make the world a substantially safer place to live. | 0 (0%) |  | | Helped make the world more dangerous than ever. | 3 (75%) |  | | Done neither of the above. But it's cool to have mortal enemies again. | 1 (25%) |  | | Posted on 05.26.2004 | 4 total votes |
| How you be. |
| | Had fun. | 6 (15.38%) |  | | Having fun. | 13 (33.33%) |  | | Fun just called, told me to expect her shortly. | 20 (51.28%) |  | | Posted on 03.24.2004 | 39 total votes |
| Where is the line? |
| | I have never sold myself, or any part of myself, and I never will. | 6 (35.29%) |  | | I have sold plasma, or I would, if I really needed the money. | 8 (47.06%) |  | | I have, and will continue to sell anything - sperm/eggs, kidneys, a night with myself - to the highest bidder, or the only bidder, or whatever. | 3 (17.65%) |  | | Posted on 03.10.2004 | 17 total votes |
| This best describes my drinking tendencies: |
| | Don't drink much - no big deal | 14 (37.84%) |  | | Drink a lot - no big deal | 15 (40.54%) |  | | Drink a lot - other people think it's a big deal | 8 (21.62%) |  | | Posted on 01.29.2004 | 37 total votes |
| God is... |
| | Dead, or never existed. | 7 (29.17%) |  | | Alive, small but ubiquitous, in every flower and every grain of sand and even every molecule of piss and vinegar. | 13 (54.17%) |  | | A terrible horrible mixed-up bastard, drunk off a bottle of Power and one of Hyper-Consciousness. | 4 (16.67%) |  | | Posted on 01.06.2004 | 24 total votes |
| If you were stranded on a desert island, alone, for
the foreseeable future, which would you rather find
washed up in a crate on the beach one morning? |
| | banjo, harmonica, and a wide-ranging series of
books by the world's greatest unknown authors | 17 (40.48%) |  | | some notebooks and pens, a stereo equipped with a
solar generator, and audio cassettes of every movie
soundtracks ever produced | 9 (21.43%) |  | | all manner of booze and drugs, a folding chair, and
a garbage bag full of fresh Virginian tobacco | 16 (38.1%) |  | | Posted on 11.11.2003 | 42 total votes |
| What would you do if you suddenly found that your bank had erroneously credited your account with$75,000? |
| | alert the bank immediately and have the situation rectified | 12 (30.77%) |  | | withdraw the money immediately and flee to Mexico | 18 (46.15%) |  | | consult either your priest or your lawyer | 9 (23.08%) |  | | Posted on 10.04.2003 | 39 total votes |
| The Biggest Crook on the loose in America is most probably lurking: |
| | in a dark alley | 3 (9.38%) |  | | in a corporate boardroom | 9 (28.13%) |  | | in or near the White House | 20 (62.5%) |  | | Posted on 09.20.2003 | 32 total votes |
| Which of the following publishing schedules would you prefer to see used in A Common Sense? |
| | Publish an issue every 2 months (current format) | 4 (11.11%) |  | | Publish an issue every month | 12 (33.33%) |  | | Publish articles as they are submitted | 20 (55.56%) |  | | Posted on 07.23.2003 | 36 total votes |
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